Tears

I named my blog Spoken Tears because for me tears are joys, sorrow, healing, and an endless list of other meanings. When I was a little girl I used to cry over everything. If I was being accused of something I cried. If I was embarrassed I cried. If I was being teased I cried. If I was in trouble I cried. There was no stopping them. I hated them because I had no control of when my eyes would well up and I would get that painful lump in my throat from trying to hold them back. Even if it was no big deal I would cry and my parents would be so frustrated with me, thinking I was trying to get out of it by crying. Soon my tears didn't mean anything to anyone, they just were...me. When I watched a movie I cried. If someone told me good news I would cry or at least face the pain of holding it back. It was such a part of me that I just labeled myself as emotional. I felt it was easier just to flat out tell people I'll probably cry and make a joke of it before anyone else could. It wasn't until my junior year of college that I started figuring my tears out. I soon realized that my tears were a gift from God. That's a funny thought huh...that's not one of the spiritual gifts people are always talking about but I'll explain. I've always known that I have a compassionate heart because like I said, if someone is sharing something happy or sad with me I feel with them and express it through joining them in tears. I never really realized that this must be what God feels like (not to the magnitude that he must) about all of His children. When we rejoice He rejoices. When we are sad He is sad. When we are broken He is broken for us. As long as I can remember my prayer has been Lord break my heart for what breaks yours. Well he answered that prayer. I feel God has aloud me to feel just a little of how He feels about us. He has given me that gift of compassion and the ability to express this through my tears. I've realized that when I start crying because I see a brand new baby, it's God reminding me that baby is a miracle from God. This has played out day after day in my life. I now understand these emotions that well up in my eyes so much better. I now look at what God is trying to tell me through them. Now most people I know wouldn't say this is completely accurate. That's because I hide it very well. I've learned to because I've had many years with me and my emotions. When I say I cry I don't always mean full out balling and doing that annoying sniffle thing that leads to those hic up things. My eyes just well up and I can catch them before they stain my cheeks and show the evidence of them. I now thank God for this gift because I feel I am more in touch with Him and what he is doing around me.